In the interest of trying to be as many people as I possibly can (like the Pretender), I tried on a new hat today. One known as The Total Idiot That Gets Their Car Stuck Out On the Beach, otherwise known as What Were They Thinking They Clearly Don't Have 4Wheel Drive.
I have delivered scathing tirades against these people, who were obviously tourists from the valley and had never seen sand before. I would point and laugh as the tow truck would come get them, and 5 minutes later there would be a new Total Idiot in their place.
Today I decided to join their ranks, at least for the day. I figured it was a nice day to get stuck. Sitting in my car, waiting for the tow truck to come sounded nice. The waves were big (for the Atlantic), and the beach was nice and empty.
Somewhere in the back of my head I knew that AAA doesn't rescue these Total Idiots, but I pushed that out of the way in my quest to be and do all things.
I was on a high from acheiving the most brilliant surreptitious shower ever. I had walked into the Hampton Inn, cool as a cucumber, fake-talking on my cell. Straight into the lobby restroom, where I locked the door, and stuck my head with it's new short hair into the sink. 10 minutes later I waltzed out, no one the wiser. It was brilliant. Ballsy. Simply marvelous.
So did I think I could outsmart the sand? I don't know. This is karma for you; do something genius, think you're smart, get a wee bit of a big head, and fate comes up and reminds you that you're a fuckin' idiot. Wait, that wouldn't really be karma, would it? Man, the idiot in me is still dominating the little smart girl with glasses. I should really shut up.
I visited a local stitching group this morning. There were about a dozen older ladies, stitching and chatting away. I had a great time, even though I was pretty much the only one knitting. Everyone else was working on needlepoint, except for two women working on novelty scarves. I guess eyelash yarn and its ilk are a logical step for a needlepointer. It's not as thick and imposing as real, heavy duty yarn. So it has its place; I apologize for knocking it earlier.
Right before the end, an older woman came in and made a beeline to sit beside me. It was her first visit to the group, and she had just picked up knitting again, after an idle time of 20 years. The embarrassing thing was that even after 20 years of not touching a needle, she was still beyond me. She needed help with a cable, and the best I could offer was, "Ummm... wanna borrow my cable needle?" Meaning, of course I know how to cable, or why would I have this needle, and maybe you need a second one.
Yes, it has been Flaming Idiot Bethany day. We will surely discover, in due course, that the front desk lady at the Hampton got my license number, and I will be picked up at work tonight for vagrancy and trespassing. Sigh. Even my moment of genius seems doltish in that light.
Ah well, I was a fabulous server last night. Observant but not obsequious, didn't drop anything, polite and witty. Of course I only had two tables. Still, for those two tables, I was the perfect waitress. I will live on
that small victory through the rest of Idiot Day.
Hey, you're no idiot, it's that hat you accidently picked up! Just pretend you're in Xanth, (You are in Florida after all) and you accidently got flummoxed by a stupid pun. Oh crap, I just realized how horribly geeky that really is. Anyway, I still love you! And so does the beach!
Posted by: Jeff | February 27, 2004 at 05:18 PM
Hi, Bethany,
I found your blog via your sister's blog via knitting, what else? You're pretty far north, I realize, but if you want to take a trip south before you leave florida (maybe you have and I haven't read back far enough?) I live in Miami, Coconut Grove, to be precise, and I have a driveway that is a-ok for you and Tach. Also a spare bedroom and bath, btw. You're welcome to all or any part thereof. I'm about to head out on a journey like yours in the second half of the year so i've got a lot of empathy for that life on the road. Anyway, my email is above, give a shout if you're heading south.
best of luck and keep bloggin',
caroline
Posted by: Caroline Gaudy | February 27, 2004 at 05:36 PM
Happy Idiot Day to You!! Hey, we all have 'em :)
Posted by: amy | February 27, 2004 at 07:24 PM
...heh...
...like, how big an eijit are you!!...I bet your the sort of eijit who turns up a the beach and is amazed that it is so flat that the tide has gone out over a mile so you set off to go find the sea (so you can throw a rock in it)...and I bet you are the sort of eijit who doesn't realise that the tide can come in very quickly when the beach is flat...and sometimes it can com in quicker than you can walk...yeah, bet your that sort of eijit :^)...
...oh, hang on - that was me!! damn :^(...
Posted by: billy | February 28, 2004 at 01:57 AM
Beth,
Mom and I just finished eating some grubbin', and we thought we'd take a quick peek to see what you've been up to. Then, we thought we'd leave you a note. Happy belated birthday! Birthdays in different places are usually... different. I've got a different friend these days, one who knows you. I was quite pleased to find that out. I'm about to pick her up, so I'll quit writing about her and tell you her name's Olivia Hope (who I'm sure will want to wish you well, too). Here's Mom, take care, and I'll catch up with you better later. Leif
Hi, Beth--
Just got a quick peek at where you've been and what you've been up to--Leif came down to help me out with some computer stuff--I'm now off Apple and onto Windows, more or less...so far, so good, but I haven't done much. It all seems too easy...especially considering how noncomputerish I've been...we'll see...but I'm really looking forward to visiting myglasshouse and bethanyrambling...it all comes in so clear! On my "old" setup, pictures and words would be superimposed upon one another, and I had to try to peer through a lot of what turned into word stew gibberish. But now--whee! Guess I'll push "Post" and see what happens....Love, Gaynelle
Posted by: Leif and Gaynelle | February 28, 2004 at 04:42 PM
My brother got us stuck on the beach once. I think he let too much air out of the tires. (I think he had 4 wheel drive). Here's to less idiotic days ahead. Way to go on the hair wash at the Hampton Inn. They have a nice breakfast buffet there too. :)
Posted by: Kathleen | February 29, 2004 at 12:52 PM
you really shouldn't worry about the idiot thing beth. 2 weeks before last i was walking back into work from lunch like i've walked back to the building for the past 10+ yrs and i was carrying some stuff and putting my keys on my bag when SLAM! i walked directly into the pole that supports the awnings.(almost knocked myself over, even looked around to see if someone saw or happened to be taping, it was tv worthy let me tell ya.) then i went inside cut myself some cake and proceeded to drop it onto my pants and basically throw it across the table then onto the floor. after i cleaned that up i check my knee only to find it was quite swollen and broken open and bleeding from my incident with the pole. that was just one hour. and day before yesterday the knee had finally mostly healed and i whacked the same spot into my car door while opening it. i wont begin to tell you the rest, but you are in NO WAY alone and definitely not the worst.
besides sometimes it's nice to do something stupid on purpose and give yourself a laugh while everyone looks at you like you've lost it.
p.s. i agree with rachel d. some silicone glue( i know it's sold in dispensable tubes for something like $2) or caulking and you can have tach all sealed up like a frog's butt and you can get high on the fumes for an hour or so while it dries! woo hoo. dry and high-it rhymes so you must do it.
Posted by: carol | March 02, 2004 at 12:02 AM
Four wheel drive doesn't always help when you're in sand. My friend Becky and I took a road trip all the way down I35 (60 miles from its beginning in Minnesota to Padre Island TX) to camp at the beach during a particularily bleak MN February. After a day of seeing way more RV's with Minnesota license plates than we had expected,we decided to travel down the island, away from everyone. We set out happy that we could make the journey because we HAD four wheel drive. About seven miles down the island we got stuck in the sand. Hours later some one finally drove by and before he pulled us out, told us the secret of driving on sand is to drive on the wet sand. We live and learn, don't we?
Posted by: Michelle | March 04, 2004 at 04:22 PM