In the interest of trying to be as many people as I possibly can (like the Pretender), I tried on a new hat today. One known as The Total Idiot That Gets Their Car Stuck Out On the Beach, otherwise known as What Were They Thinking They Clearly Don't Have 4Wheel Drive.
I have delivered scathing tirades against these people, who were obviously tourists from the valley and had never seen sand before. I would point and laugh as the tow truck would come get them, and 5 minutes later there would be a new Total Idiot in their place.
Today I decided to join their ranks, at least for the day. I figured it was a nice day to get stuck. Sitting in my car, waiting for the tow truck to come sounded nice. The waves were big (for the Atlantic), and the beach was nice and empty.
Somewhere in the back of my head I knew that AAA doesn't rescue these Total Idiots, but I pushed that out of the way in my quest to be and do all things.
I was on a high from acheiving the most brilliant surreptitious shower ever. I had walked into the Hampton Inn, cool as a cucumber, fake-talking on my cell. Straight into the lobby restroom, where I locked the door, and stuck my head with it's new short hair into the sink. 10 minutes later I waltzed out, no one the wiser. It was brilliant. Ballsy. Simply marvelous.
So did I think I could outsmart the sand? I don't know. This is karma for you; do something genius, think you're smart, get a wee bit of a big head, and fate comes up and reminds you that you're a fuckin' idiot. Wait, that wouldn't really be karma, would it? Man, the idiot in me is still dominating the little smart girl with glasses. I should really shut up.
I visited a local stitching group this morning. There were about a dozen older ladies, stitching and chatting away. I had a great time, even though I was pretty much the only one knitting. Everyone else was working on needlepoint, except for two women working on novelty scarves. I guess eyelash yarn and its ilk are a logical step for a needlepointer. It's not as thick and imposing as real, heavy duty yarn. So it has its place; I apologize for knocking it earlier.
Right before the end, an older woman came in and made a beeline to sit beside me. It was her first visit to the group, and she had just picked up knitting again, after an idle time of 20 years. The embarrassing thing was that even after 20 years of not touching a needle, she was still beyond me. She needed help with a cable, and the best I could offer was, "Ummm... wanna borrow my cable needle?" Meaning, of course I know how to cable, or why would I have this needle, and maybe you need a second one.
Yes, it has been Flaming Idiot Bethany day. We will surely discover, in due course, that the front desk lady at the Hampton got my license number, and I will be picked up at work tonight for vagrancy and trespassing. Sigh. Even my moment of genius seems doltish in that light.
Ah well, I was a fabulous server last night. Observant but not obsequious, didn't drop anything, polite and witty. Of course I only had two tables. Still, for those two tables, I was the perfect waitress. I will live on
that small victory through the rest of Idiot Day.