Here's Dude!May 29, 2004
It makes me look like a lumpen grey marshmallow:
It practically hangs to my knees, and the armpits hang to my waist. I had despaired of it fitting him. But look! It does!
He came in to work fifteen minutes early (which at 0445 is a chore) just so we could do a photo shoot and get him in the trademarked Rachael pose.
Yippeeeeeee! Thanks, Don, for the house-painting, and the free couch, and the heavy lifting, and generally making my life easier.
Pattern: Raglan Generator for measurements, 3x1 rib everywhere but at cuffs and neck, where it’s 2x2.
Yarn: Plymouth Galway Highland Heather, color 704, approx. 10 skeins.
And now, to kill the teaser I posted earlier, I did end up cancelling the date I had lined up for this afternoon. I had recently put a personal ad up on PlanetOut, a gay/lesbian online magazine. I thought it would be fun. I had always assumed you had to pay for the service, but once I found out it was free, I thought, cool! What can it hurt?
Well, it don’t hurt none, and it stays pretty quiet, but recently for some reason I got three interested nibbles that were interesting in return. Nice, smart, pretty women that I thought I would like to meet.
I met one for coffee the other day. She knits, she contra-dances, she’s eclectic-looking, she’s a blast. But was I interested? Eh. I had another date scheduled for this afternoon with a fabulous-seeming gal who probably really is that fabulous. And I’ve been dreading it all week. (Lest you ask why the hell I set it up in the first place, I answer, because I thought I should. Shoulds. Always get you, don’t they?)
I thought of all SORTS of things I could beg off with. Migraine. Work. The dog ate my car keys. I woke up in the shape of a giant cockroach. Then I remembered: I hate lying like that. I used to be so good at it. In the last few years, I just can’t do it and still remain happy. A lie like that, small though it is, bugs the hell outta me. (And it’s karmic. If I plead migraine, I get one.) So I wrote:
I'm going to be a complete ass right now, okay? I'm going to pass on coffee tomorrow.... and if I can make anything clear to you, please let it be that it's not you. (I realize how lame it is to use that line before two people even meet.) I find your pictures to be both charming and lovely, and everything you've said in email makes me think that if I dated anyone, even just met them for coffee, you'd be the one with whom I'd want to have that coffee. But right now I'm stuck in an alone period. Not really sure how to get out, nor if I should even try. I thought I'd jump-start the process by meeting new people, but I'm beginning to think that's a poor idea, and ultimately not fair to anyone I meet right now. We'd probably have a lovely time at coffee, and then I'd have to send this email anyway. Better sooner than later, I think. I hope I do meet you someday. Please email me back to say you got this. Thanks, and I’m sorry.
Yep. And this morning I got a nice little email back saying “no worries, and best wishes.” I remain guilt-free and SO HAPPY that I’m spending the first afternoon of my weekend in my backyard, alone.
There’s something to this alone thing, I’m convinced of that now. It’s not shyness, it’s not apathy, it’s just where I need to be right now. Society’s pressure is insidious. I don’t care about what society thinks, but somehow it shapes my own thinking without my noticing. *I* sometimes feel I need a partner to be complete. Then I stop and think about that feeling, and I know it’s crap, but it was there for an ugly second.
I’ll meet whom I’m supposed to be with at the right place, at the right time. (GAs: Is that whom right? Still sleepy from working all night.) I’m not against the internet for hook-ups. Look where it’s taken all of us! But I’ll know when I’m in the right place, and right now, I ain’t. And I’m not worrying about it anymore. Hear, hear!
I didn’t know I was going to proselytize to myself. And you, in the process.
Heh. I love it.