Squeaky CleanAugust 4, 2004
Honestly. When I called the dentist’s office yesterday to request a cleaning and check-up with Carol, I assumed there would be a four month wait to see her, as there usually is. For me, that’s just about enough time to get myself psyched up for the visit. So I was rather jolted when she said “We’ve had a cancellation. Can you be here in an hour?”
“Isn’t that great?”
Oh, just peachy. My first thought was that I hadn’t been afforded that Week of Panic before the dentist where you actually dig the floss from the bottom of the medicine cabinet and realize the last time you used it was to hang the windchime that MJ sent you, and you attempt to clean your teeth many times a day, every day, during that last fatal week, so when you go in the dentist will love you and want to be your friend. Or something like that. Wait, you don’t do that? Ahem.
I thought about saying that I was having surgery or a baby in about an hour and would have to miss out of the dentistly fun, but then I thought of the list I had JUST made, and decided to be a big girl and suck it up. Plus, I promised myself a trip to the South Pacific store afterwards, and two boxes of TimTams. I ain’t stoopid.
Big girl that I am, I am calm now when I get my teeth cleaned. This is because I know how ridiculous is to be scared. This is because I know that it likely won’t hurt and that I should just relax and enjoy the privilege I am afforded by even having the option to get my teeth cleaned.
Okay, that’s a bunch of crap. Really, I’m calm when I go because Carol gets me LOADED on nitrous. I mean spinning-high. It’s awesome. I love love love the feeling. I still freak out when they hit a sensitive spot, but it’s such a short freak out. Oooooh, ow! Ahhhh, back into listening to “He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother” and getting deep sleepy meaning from it. I like it when I can’t feel my knees.
Even before the option to partake was taken away from me by the line of work I chose, I never really dabbled much in mind-altering methods. I preferred a good gin buzz to anything else. But hell, if it’s legal, short-acting, AND you get your teeth clean in the process? Bring it. But I might bring a walkman or something next time. Muzak on nitrous is noxious.