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Soccer MomOctober 5, 2004

** Prelude: There is nothing, I repeat, NOTHING wrong with soccer moms. If you are one, you are a braver and stronger woman than I am, and I bow. I really do. But I ain't one. That's all this is to say. No offense meant. Back to our regularly scheduled programming. **

The other day I asked my friend Don (of the Dude Sweater) if he could picture me as a soccer mom. I said it with some attitude, I’m sure. I was positive I knew the response the question would engender. So I was really, really surprised when he said, “Well, yeah.”

Well, what?

I repeated this to the Divine Ms. Em while she was here. And she kinda looked at her feet and said something, “Ummm. You do have the hair, after all....”

The hair?

And then to Lala (why was I still expecting anyone to come to my aid?), I repeated the prior two exchanges. She helped me out by saying, “Well, your hair is kinda... sensible.” Em laughed. (Yeah, but were they laughing later? When I locked them out of the car and made them spell Albuquerque while rubbing their bellies and patting their heads? No, they weren’t laughing then. Uh-uh.)

This just wouldn’t do! Sensibility? Look at my yarn stash and tell me I’m sensible. MY kids wouldn’t play soccer, they’d have to spin fleece, four hours a day, right after kickboxing and just before harpsichord practice. Oh, cripes. That DOES sound rather sensible, doesn’t it?

Anyway, I went to the salon today. I had to. It was required. Enough of this cutting my own hair. I’d have a professional do it. I’d get something a little funky, a little On The Edge, a little punk, just a smidgen of wild and crazy. People would look at me on the street and think, “Hey. That’s a wild and crazy gal. I can tell by her wild and crazy hair. Yep. Wild and crazy, that one.” I can’t afford color right now, but I chose a fun salon, and my hair stylist was nineteen years old, with more than four colors in her hair.

We talked. I told her the whole story. I explained how I was cooler than my haircut would have others believe. She nodded. She said all the right things. She showed me the right pictures.

And then she cut my hair EXACTLY like I’ve been cutting it for the last eight months.


I mean, really. It’s thinned out a little, which is good because my hair is so damned heavy, but otherwise it’s the same freaking haircut. I didn’t know what to say when she spun me around. I think I just said, “Oh! Look at that! Wow!”

So I went to Longs and bought styling products. Because I think I might try that. Styling, I mean. Can’t hurt. Or I might go buy a soccer ball instead. And maybe a kid.


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Have you thought that maybe your sensible hair keeps us all in suspense? Because really you do have all those surprises in you and the sensible hair doesn't expose them, it just keeps us guessing! Of course I like your haircut and think it looks great. Would a soccer mom write a novel and run a marathon? Think on that for a bit :)

I have to ask what a "soccer mom" haircut looks like???? Since I grew up at the soccer field and still play, I've never heard of or seen any particular "soccer mom" hair style........

hooray for artfibers!! yeah! i was sitting right where you guys were! (what other seats ARE there, nicole? anyhow, cool beans, and kudos to you for getting a haircut. you'd make one godawful soccer mom :)

ROFL....good story :)
nice haircut LOL

I can loan you a kid (or four!) a soccer ball, a minivan and all the boring sensible shoes you'd ever want to see. I know that somewere inside of me, the crazy wild one still lives and breathes. Even though the reflection in the mirror has seemingly been replaced by my mother!(when the hell did THAT happen?)
I've often felt, and occasionally blogged about, the fact that the "outer" me and the "inner" me often don't mesh. Reading your post has made me realize that even the girls who I envision as "cool" (yes, you!) feel the same way sometimes!

See you on Sunday at Knit-out! You'll know me by the sensible shoes! :)

You look lovely. I also think you'd look cute with a shorter, somewhat spiky haircut.

There, there, dear.

When you get to be an old lady you'll probably conclude that just about anyone is capable of becoming just about anything if they want to (ahem, Ms. Marathoner,) and that hair isn't destiny.

I always thought soccer mom hair was the teased-and-shellacked-into-an-immovable-mass hairstyle... Along with the perfect makeup all the time. I guess I was wrong.

Granted, I like your hair like it is - and am a big proponent of easy to deal with hair.

I can see you as a soccer mom, but I think you'd be more of the Desperate Housewives sort of soccer mom (I mean that as a compliment. Really). I'm sorry, but that is too hilarious about your hair. Next time go get it cut by my friend Megan. She'll mess it up real good for ya!

I'm not quite sure how to define "soccer mom" anyway. Or at least in Cruz town. I suspect we're a little off the beaten path. :) But its the only place I've ever been a soccer mom. And I've only been one for two days. So I'm pretty far removed from being the expert. But the ones I chatted with seemed like fun women. So yeah, I could see you fitting in Rachael dear! :)

I never thought of your hair as sensible. It's just part of the the whole delightful package that exudes "Rachael-ness" -- I wouldn't change a thing about you!

See?? You didn't have to change a thing to be perfect :)

Hey!! Some of us soccer mom's are cool!! Some of us are stay at home artists (who do force their children to learn to knit, spin, dye and how to properly pluck an angora. ;) But I know the type you are driving at..

Actually, I like your hair, and I think that's an adorable picture. I don't think anyone who speaks with you for more than a minute would walk away with the impression that you are safe or conventional or in some way at all uninteresting. You go so far beyond hair, sweetie. It really doesn't matter... (which is hilarious considering how much effort I put into keeping my hair the color of candy)

That said...a bit of color can be done at home to great effect... One of those striping kits geared to the teenyboppers? A few red streaks in there?

OK, look. It depends on the salon. And sometime's it's hard to find the right person to cut your hair. Stylists are usually careful about making big changes, even if they do listen to you. Let's talk next week at your Knit Out. I have a great stylist who loves to be asked, "What would you do?" Anyway, I do think you look pretty good to begin with and the photo is darlin'

We all know that you are one wild and crazy gal.;) You look loverly hair cut, or no.

It would never have occurred to me to call your hair sensible -- I've thought of it as cool and kicky and carefree.

But styling products can do wonders for changing your look -- I recommend something stiff like a pomade so you can try going spiky.

Hee! Hell woman, go to Long's (love it) and buy hair dye. Or Sally Beauty, just dye it some nutty color. It's just hair. Next cut, I can highly recommend Bethany at Zip Zap on Fillmore at Haight (the lower--in SF)--she works Thursdays and Saturdays only--cause she's a momma...

Being a soccer mom is a great excuse to sit and knit. Just think, all those practices and games...

I think you just officially started the movement away from "Soccer Mom" to "Knitting Woman" - afterall, that's the best part of being a soccer mom - all that time you get to knit! So, yeah, I could see you as a soccer mom. You'd get to talk to everyone and knit at the same time. How cool is that?

Pin it back and slap on a wig. You could have a different look every week and always keep'em guessing.

(I think you hair has decided it wants to keep that style. It looks cute, it works for you... your hair won't let anyone change it.)

To clarify: I don't think for one second that anyone would ever *mistake* you for a soccer mom ("sensible" hair and all...though I like Strizzy's word "carefree" a LOT better). The question on the table was whether we could imagine you in that capacity, which I still interpret to mean "had I made other choices, can you see me doing this?" And my answer is still yes, even though just IMAGINING you in a life that would not let you be the YOU that I love breaks my heart in a number of ways. Yo, I'm a Victorianist. I am particularly drawn to narratives in which heroines are trapped in lives not of their own choosing. If I had followed the path I started down at the end of college, I would be a soccer mom as well (and I would make my kids play soccer, because that sport rocks, but they'd have to try out for the school musicals in the spring). Thinking about that gives me the shivers, but yeah--had I made other choices in my life, that's what would have become of me. (Not to sound all doom and gloom about it, because what Rachael said at the beginning of this post goes for me too.)

I love the hair. I loved your hair before, you know. Your bangs are incredibly pretty in that picture. And I like the idea of chunky red streaks, too.

In five years or less, we're not going to have so much the soccer mom demographic as we will the Punk-Ass Tattooed Mom Brigade. Now there's a voting block I'm looking forward too.

Oh, and P.S.: Woman, you just ran 20 fucking miles. Ain't nobody braver or stronger than you right now.

Oh, hair. I know. Involves self-concept. I am SO glad to have mine back after chemo...but...it's still really short. So now I look like every other semi-grey-hair: sensible, unaware, conformist. Ick. Even with pomade to give it some shape. I feel like I have become my mother. Spike it! Color it! Make a statement! I haven't, but YOU can!

See, your talents extend to hair cuttery too! There's nothing our Rachael can't do! (Well, except BUY a kid. That's against all the rules.) But, as I've seen Celia's new bangs on the blog, I reckon she's worth a listen if you want to be adventurous (well, moreso than you generally are). And, as the Major notes, I'm rather looking forward to knitting on some sidelines, whatever the Wee One chooses ~

I started reading your post and then jumped ahead to see if there was a picture of the new do --- I am still laughing -- it does look the same! Which means it looks great... which means we could now all see you being a hairdresser as well as a soccer Mom!

Face it Rachael, you can/could be anything you want -- your talent knows no bounds. And now we will have to wonder about all soccer Moms everywhere - perhaps they aren't all as sensible as they appear and under those high waisted jeans lurk some pretty interesting tatoos .....

could be a novel in this somewhere ... The Hidden Life of Soccer Moms .... What Lurks Under Sensible Hair ..... Hirsutely Practical ....

Almost spit my coffee this morning. What a great post! I also agree what a great picture of you today. : )You can tell that she thinned it out (mine gets that treatment also)

This was so funny, Rachael. As a Hockey Mom myself, I feel justified in making fun of Soccer Moms occasionally. (Yeah, real kids' sports require mouth guards!)

What the heck is wrong with sensible hair, anyway? Any time you spend styling, coloring, spiking your hair is time you are not spending knitting, running, breaking-and-entering, or any other on-the-edge activity. Let go of appearances -- edgy is as edgy does!

well, now you know that your hair is happiest just the way it is. maybe you can dye it bright purple or something... just for kicks! (I've heard kool-aid does a fabulous job...) ;) seriously, though- I think your hair looks fabulous, and definitely cute and chic and hip and all that. :)

You could always get a mullet. Or shave it off. But I think you look very pretty in the photo. Why, you could almost convert me. Well, you couldn't, and we'd both have to convert, and we couldn't very well have a bicoastal, bisexual affair, now, could we?

Rachel you crack me up! Honey, i am 40 and have four children. I look horribly soccer mom-ish...and somedays I want to SCREAM!!! "HEY!! I am DIFFERENT!! I am COOL, damn it! I may LOOK like a Stay-at-home-Republican-conservative-Christian-station-wagon-driving-Soccer-Mom"...(not that there is anything wrong with that, I know...) But I'm not!

I tried the "dyke" hair cut thing....and I looked like I was in recovery from chemo, which I'm not and it wasn't a good look. Mostly, I felt like people were laughing at me....which only made me madder!!

Sigh. I may not be wild and crazy...and yes I do drive a minivan (blush)...and yes I wear sensible shoes and have a sensible hair cut...Oh forget it. I understand. L :)

So, I'm not taking any offense to the "soccer mom" cracks, but if you wanna give it a whirl I'll loan you Gameboy for a while and you can see how it works ;-) From everything I've read here before I think you'd make an awesome soccer aunt at the very least!
Actually the bugger had back-to-back (?) games last night and I took my knitting along and I got SOOO worked up that I never took the knitting out. I have a REALLY hard time "watching my tounge" during his games (okay any games)and cursing like a bageebus is not something they look kindly on at the catholic educational institution. So the fact that nothing remotely considered a curse left my mouth is a good thing.

Shit - I forgot, I always liked your hair, so I think she did a great job and its not that sensible.
And 1 last thing (promise) if you want color I seem to remember kool-aid doing the trick when I was in Jr. High- then you'd be totally NOT a soccer mom!

I was a soccer mom once upon a time. It wasn't so bad. Sometimes it was even fun. Definitely buy the kid. I know some moms who would sell theirs right now.

He he! . . maybe if you lost the Democratic Party membership card the soccer aura would dissipate :o) (I'm teasing, you know - gotta make sure)

I was once told I looked like a School Committee mum. My kids were all grown up then, and I think it was meant to be a compliment. Harumph! I went out and got a very short haircut pronto! I could send you my hairdresser - wait - I could *bring* you my hairdresser, and then I could shop...Ooooh, Artfibers...

ha! I just got my haircut yesterday! A little shorter than I like but not as short as yours :)

The 'Soccer Mom' hair is one of my fears too... my hair just seems to fall into sensible hair styles. So I've been working the chunky layered flip for the past year now. Some days I think I'm punk, other days I'm Meg Ryan. Dark Red makes it more punkish but if I go blonde, forget about it. I'm a suburban house wife in a minute. I wouldn't mind being a soccer mom someday but I don't want to look like one now. ya know?

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Rachael loves it when book clubs read her work! She's happy to attend book clubs that read her books either in person or via Skype. Contact her at rachael@rachaelherron.com to make arrangements.


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