AttachmentDecember 2, 2004
Late post tonight, but I've got several things on my mind and want to dump them here before I go to work.
#1 - I miss Lala. I'm really trying not to, as I think she's out in the woods being all meditative and content. Really, at heart, I'm a meditative, content person. I should try harder to match her in this right now. I think (from what I glean in conversation, haven't done my own reading yet) that one of the ideas in Buddhism is to try not to become Attached to things or people, as all will change. Yeah, well. I'm attached. I understand that everything changes, everyone dies, people go different places, get sick, suddenly like sushi after never liking it before, yes. I know. I'm okay with that. I'm not asking for any kind of permanent permanence here. I know that's impossible. But I MISS her. In a pouty, foot-stomping, petulant, sulky way. Attractive, I'm sure. Stomp.
#2 - I woke up feeling cruddy again. But not too overly cruddy, and I decided I would worry less about the marathon if I went for a training run, so I did. It was a hard run, lungs working overtime in the cold, and it was a rhinoceros day as I lumbered around Mills (my new favorite run -- Em, tell your mom!). But now, after my bath, tucked up on the couch, I feel so much better, physically AND mentally. Weird.
#3 - A comment from Dear Reader Cathy really got me thinking. She said, "I'm not a writer or a long (or short) distance runner, but it seems to me the two activities have something in common. 1. Only an almost crazy person would attempt such a feat. 2. You must love it or you wouldn't do it. 3. When you've hit that 17th mile (or whatever it is) you need the someone to run with you or cheer you on." And then she gave me a great CHEER.
I've hit the high miles in the novel, haven't I? I worked on it yesterday! I did! And I will today, too! I realized this: They're right about running a marathon when they say it's in two halves. The first half is 20 miles, and the second half is the final 6. I found that to be utterly true when we ran the practice marathon. The first twenty were pretty hard, but the last six were grueling and almost impossible. And that's where I am in the book. I've cruised through the first twenty metaphorical miles, and now I'm looking up a great big six mile hill. I'm exhausted. But I know I can do it. Step by step. My reward is once I'm done, I'll get to start another! I love the magic of writing without (really) thinking, just letting the characters do whatever the hell it is they want to do. I love the lack of control I have I over them. What's hard is this part, the reining in, the choices I have to make, the connections I have to draw or redraw or erase. Erg. It's going to take a while. But with this marathon metaphor in mind, I feel for the first time that it's not insurmountable. Thank you, Cathy. Wow.
#4 - I think I forgot to tell you this. Lala was recognized in Trader Joe's by one of my readers. I was astounded. Personally, I've only ever been recognized at Yarn Things. It was Dear Reader Laine, and I had JUST been telling Lala about her. Laine, how's the move going, anyway?
All right. I think that was it. I'm going to watch a spot of TV before dragging myself and my novel off to work. Have a good night, y'all. Love on someone, okay?