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What I'm Not DoingDecember 1, 2004

I can't decide how to take care of myself right now. Really, it sounds odd, but I just can't seem to figure it out. I can't decide how my body is feeling and what I should do about it. I've felt feverish off and on for days. I was totally ready to call in sick tonight if I woke up feeling the same way I felt when I went to bed. But I feel better now, and might even be up for a run. A short one. Maybe? I can't decide. Will that make me feel better? Or worse? No way of knowing. I could just stay on the couch, which my heart knows is sensible, but sensible is also getting my training runs in this week. Next week, the week before the race, I'm not doing ANY training runs, to give my shin splints a final break. This week, it feels like it's important to do them.

I'm babbling. I'm grasping at words, any words.

You know what I'm NOT doing? Yeah, you probably do. I'm not writing. Haven't since I moved. Right now I'm at the point where I'm re-reading the novel slowly, making notes, and deciding how to change the damn book so I can finish it. Hard, hard work, and I've been putting it off. And off. I have to get rid of one integral character completely (or at least make her a minor support character). And I'd like to plot it out. I didn't want a plot when I wrote it, but two years and a very bad memory later, I think I need some help remembering what I've done in five hundred plus pages.

I'm moved. No more excuses. I'll work on it today. And I'll take it with me to Hawaii. Yow. Just want to be back IN it. It's good when I'm in it. Right now I'm standing next to it in a bar, bumping elbows with it, but refusing to acknowledge its presence.

No more excuses. Except this one: No running today. I've decided. If I'm not sure how I feel, better to err on the safe side. Just had to write it out.

Now I just have to Write It Out.

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Comments

If it feels more cold-ish, than flu-ish, try soem Airborne or Zycam. They are all herbs and antioxidants, and other stuff. I have had decent luck with Airborne.

Best-

get to writing! getting back to it will be like scrubbing the toilet - something you don't want to do, have to do and will be glad you did!

I keep a file in which I summarise what's going on with the plot threads in each chapter, and what's going on behind the scenes (the back story - who knows what and what's going on even though it's not in the text) or I get really mixed up.

Oh...feel better. The couch sounds like the perfect place to be. And I have heard about that Zycam. It's supposed to be terrific. Hang in there.

Zycam, eh? I'll have to check that out, too. I'm glad you decided not to run. Now you need to decide not to worry about it.

(go! go! go!)

(tight, well-written) MWAH!

Appreciate your sharing! I'm always impressed with how emotionally healthy you are, honest. When I'm stuck in any area it's almost always because of fear--generally, fear that I can't do whatever is in front of me. The 12-step literature says (I paraphrase) I'm either afraid of losing something I have or not getting something I want. I have found analyzing my uncertain, ucky, flu-like, stuck, bored feelings against these two criteria absolutely assures me that I will emerge with a clear sense of what to work on--and it's often not what it would seem to be on the surface! I've got a lot of things going on that are making me close down--time to move forward.

Maybe you aren't sick or getting there at all...maybe it's more to do with a certain someone not being around! :) Good luck with the writing!

I'm not a writer or a long (or short) distance runner, but it seems to me the two activities have something in common. 1. Only an almost crazy person would attempt such a feat. 2. You must love it or you wouldn't do it. 3. When you've hit that 17th mile (or whatever it is) you need the someone to run with you or cheer you on. So, from the virtual world:

KEEP GOING, I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT, WE'RE RIGHT HERE WITH YOU. ONLY A FEW MORE MILES/WORDS. I KNOW IT HURTS, BUT PUSH PAST THE PAIN.

Hope that helps!

Would it help if we all started banging on our desks chanting "Write" "Write" "Write" "Write" ...
kinda like the "Drink" "Drink" "Drink" in a bar - because you know we totally would!

Hey, Girlfriend, quit beating yourself up. You're sick, and buying a house is more stressful than a divorce! Give yourself a little time to heal. You'll be back at the keyboard and back running in no time..until then, are those felted clogs you're wearing in the pic from the previous post? (you're probably wondering who I am too...you write, I read and lurk! LOL!)
Terri in cold Washington State.

Sounds like you might have what's going around here in MI. Get lots of rest, liquids, and see the doctor if you don't feel better soon!

Good luck with your run next week!

Jen

I've had the mysterious crud for a week now. I feel perfectly okay, but then suddenly I will feel weak and, you know, ew-ey. If I feel like a run is going to be too draining and leave me more open to the punes, I skip it. If I'm feeling okay and know I have a relaxing day ahead, I'll go ahead and push it and run. I would suggest you take the day off (which you already decided). If you feel the same way tomorrow, go out for a short run. It will help you psychologically--you'll feel like you actually did something and can still run, but you won't have taxed your body too much. Hang in there, and now get writing!

Not running today was the right choice. A potential cause for your symptoms is overtraining, and the energy your body needs to recover can this way go to those symptoms, rather than caring for stressed out leg muscles had you gone for a run.

This post is exactly why I love reading your blog Rach...glad you took care of yourself!

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