Sadness to Joy
The rage doesn't get me often. In the face of all the world's sadnesses and atrocities and wars and genocides and stupid politicians making permanent black marks on the soul of the planet, I listen and wish and hope for the best. I'm political in my own quiet way: here, on this blog, with friends, in public when it's necessary.
But the state execution of the two gay teenagers in Iran has me seriously shaken. It happened a week ago today, and I bet you didn't even know about it, did you? It had me so upset that I tried to put it out of my mind, which I can't, and shouldn't.
Two teenagers, Mahmoud Asgari, 16, and Ayaz Marhoni, 18, were held in prison for fourteen months (fourteen MONTHS), and were lashed 228 times. They were accused of having sex with each other and of raping another 13 year old boy. They did admit to having consensual sex with each other, but human rights groups believes they were coerced into these admissions, and there is speculation that the rape charge was fraudulent, an attempt to avoid international censure.
Iran's Sharia law calls for the death penalty for gay sex, and girls can be killed at age nine, boys at age fifteen. Unimaginable.
They were hanged, publicly, a week ago today. Babies, both of them. Their mothers watching. The whole country watching. Ten percent of Iran's population knowing that the same could happen to them if they ever admitted to their illegal predilection.
Ali Asgari, in a quote to the Iran Focus, said, "These individuals were corrupt. Their sentence was carried out with the approval of the judiciary and it served them right."
I saw still photos of them, being led out to the execution, crying. There aren't words for the horror of it.
And here, in much lesser but still shaking news, two days ago California approved a ballot initiative aiming to add an amendment banning same-sex marriage. Attorney General Bill Lockyer reworded the title of it from "The Voters' Right to Protect Marriage Act" to "Marriage. Elimination of Domestic Partnership Rights." That's right, Bill. Call it what it is.
The measure would void and restrict registered domestic partner rights from things like hospital visits. Adoption. Insurance benefits. Little unimportant things like these.
According to Seth Kilbourn, VP of HRC's Marriage Project, it would "strip away more rights from more families that any other proposal we have seen in any other state." It would permanently ban all legal protections. And two similar ballot measures are expected to get initial approval this week, also.
Lala and I had a conversation about this a while back. We knew that no matter what, no matter how we felt about it, we'd end up being political.
See, we're getting married.
Yup.
Some of you already knew -- it's not like it's been a big secret, but we took our time telling family and friends, so I've taken my time blogging it. (It was decidedly delicious, those first few weeks, when no one knew, not even family. Such a lovely secret to carry around. And then I had the ring, the sweet gold antique ring from the 1880s, and just glancing at it gave me such a thrill. Still does.)
It's early, see, but we've known for a long time, since maybe month two or three, even though neither of us admitted as much to each other until month six. (No, we won't go into the proposal. It was mutual. She may have said the word first, but I was hot on her heels. Then we were terrified. In the good way.)
I never saw this coming. I never planned to be married. Wasn't important to me. Then suddenly, it was.
She's the one for me. She's smart, funny, and one of the kindest people I've ever been lucky enough to meet. She's hot. She makes me want to be a better person. I don't have to babysit her in a crowd. She knits. She's a kick-ass musician. And just sitting on the couch doing nothing with her is the best place in the whole world to be.
No one can tell me that's wrong. No one can tell me God thinks it's wrong, because He doesn't. A small-minded, bigoted person's small-minded lesser deity might think it's immoral, but who cares? I don't care about your tiny, wrathful god.
But let's fight for love, shall we? Isn't it good, finding it where we can? Who would stop happiness? Only someone terrified of what was in their own heart. But that's not us, is it?
Instead, we cross our fingers and look at stars and wish for forgiveness and acceptance in Iran, and we wish for the United States to realize that this is really about civil rights. We won't allow America to demote us to second-class citizens. We won't be pushed to the back of the bus. You'll help, right? You'll donate money to the right places, to the wheels that turn the cogs in the right places, and you'll speak out loud, even if you're scared?
Lala and I, who want to be together, to live our lives together, as a family, thank you.
Oh, and I'm knitting the wedding dress.
Engaged.
Let me be the first.... please... CONGRATULATIONS!!! And felicitations (that's s'posed to be for the bride). Mwah! Mwah!
Posted by: Mary-Helen Ward | Thursday, July 28, 2005 at 04:46
YAAAY!!! Congrats on the engagement! I am seriously saddened by some of the actions states are taking with the whole marriage ban. I'm hoping people will wise up and see just that Love is love and its beautiful - so are you two. :)
Posted by: Amy Boogie | Thursday, July 28, 2005 at 05:02
Congratulations! It's fun being a blog reader who has "known" you before you met Lala and has watched your life change in such good ways. Isn't it funny how you can't help being political. For me, it was the precious child in my K class with two mommies that I loved and admired and then learning out how FEW parental rights the non-birth mother has even though she has legally adopted her daughter. Our Va. laws seem to be punitive in many cases and it is lucky that they are surrounded by VERY supportive grandparents which is their only guarantee that no matter what happens they will both be this child's parents for life. How absurd! Jane
Posted by: jane | Thursday, July 28, 2005 at 05:03
I think I'm going to cry (sadness for the Iranian story and joyfulness for you and Lala). Remember what you said about not looking for a girlfriend, way back when? Ha! The universe had other plans, didn't it!
Posted by: AmyP | Thursday, July 28, 2005 at 05:04
I just cried as I read your post...I have been engaged since last November to my fantastic and amazing partner, Denise, and I cannot imagine counting myself out of a fight regarding our life together! Count me in! I am thrilled that you have also found someone who makes you that happy...That's the kind of love that makes this fight so worth it...Congratulations!
Posted by: Mandy | Thursday, July 28, 2005 at 05:07
Congratulations!
And you're right, about it all, very very right...
Hope the knitting goes smoothly! :o)
Anna
Posted by: Anna | Thursday, July 28, 2005 at 05:15
Congratulations! I am so happy for you. But I am also jealous. I desperately wanted an Irish crocheted wedding dress. I settled for renting an antique lace dress. Oh Rachael...this is such wonderful happy news. I agree with you...if one is lucky enough to find love--be happy for them. So fucking divisive this world is. But you and Lala...together. Can I help? Like with the dress? A sleeve?
Posted by: Kathleen | Thursday, July 28, 2005 at 05:15
Ah, you just took me on such a roller coaster ride. The world scares me so much. I feel safe and I feel like my children are safe, and then...wow. And I clicked on Mandy's link and it's a kid porn site and I'm just....ack! What the hell is going on.
But what I wanted to say, and the real point in the midst of all this insanity is CONGRATULATIONS! Love will win out, I have to trust that.
Posted by: mamacate | Thursday, July 28, 2005 at 05:16
Congratulations on your very happy news of your engagement! Woo hoo!
Posted by: Rossana | Thursday, July 28, 2005 at 05:25
Congratulations! All my best to both of you!
Posted by: Karen | Thursday, July 28, 2005 at 05:31
Such a mixture of bitter and sweet.
Congratulations to you both, true love is the BEST.
Thanks for sharing the Iran story. It's given me so much to think about, ouch, so much.
I love your blog and am certainly looking forward to pics of the wedding dress!!!
Posted by: M.X. | Thursday, July 28, 2005 at 05:34
Okay, I've been reading for a while, and have never commented to you before, so I feel a little wierd saying congratulations -- but I'm so happy to read it! So, Congrats! :)
Posted by: Arina | Thursday, July 28, 2005 at 05:36
Oh, oh, OH! ConGRATUlations! NORma!
That was a roller-coaster-ride post. I'm absolutely SICKENED by the beginning. I'm so glad you wrapped it up with such incredibly wonderful news. mwah!
Posted by: Norma | Thursday, July 28, 2005 at 05:39
Congratulations to you and LaLa. Thank you for telling us about the two little boys or sadly I would not have known a thing. It totally breaks my heart. This world can be such a terrible place. It is so wonderful when people can find love and happiness in it. Congrats again and best wishes to you both!
Posted by: Stacie | Thursday, July 28, 2005 at 05:40
Just been waiting for the official word. Knew it was going to happen. Just knew it. Congrats!
Posted by: Carol | Thursday, July 28, 2005 at 05:41
You two ROCK. What a statement to make, to fight for love. Félicitations et bisoux à vous deux. I'm in tears, and giddily happy for you :-)
Posted by: Lee Ann | Thursday, July 28, 2005 at 05:49
you made me cry at work. first in a sad way, then in a happy way.
Posted by: anna | Thursday, July 28, 2005 at 05:52
i read about the iran boys a few days ago -- just can't bring myself to look at any pics...i'm political in the way you are...i get a bit comsumed sometimes...watch out for mitt romney, he's prepping for pres, just vetoed emergency contraception bill here in ma, what's the saying? if you're not outraged, you're not paying attention...thank goddess in spite of all this nastiness and tragedy there are glimmers of hope like you and lala...smiling for you now, girlies! ooh and i've seen some of those wildknit wedding dresses -- katharine cobey's comes to mind...
Posted by: patricia | Thursday, July 28, 2005 at 05:52
CONGRATULATIONS!
(which always seems too small of a word for something as momentous as locating your soulmate, but still) CONGRATULATIONS!
(Eek. I got all misty eyed at work over the Eenternet.)
Never doubt what your heart tells you, and never trust government.
Posted by: Audrey Clare | Thursday, July 28, 2005 at 06:00
I don't even know where to start -
no, I didn't know about the execution in Iran, and I am horrified that 1) it happened and 2) that I DIDN'T know about it.
Next - CONGRATULATIONS! We should all be lucky enough to find the kind of love that you and Lala share, and you should unequivocably have the same rights as anyone. I am very glad to live in Massachusetts now, and I am constantly explaining to very surprised people that California has consistently passed (IMHO) such prejudiced legislation that I felt ashamed to live there (Hi - illegal immigrant children? We don't think you should be able to go to our public schools or get health care. ARGH!).
But, bottom line - best of wishes to you and your girl for a lifetime of love and friendship and joy. mwah!
Posted by: elisa | Thursday, July 28, 2005 at 06:02
Mazel Tov! Warms my heart to hear such good news! (Especially after the Iran news.)
I hope you have lifetimes of happiness together.
Posted by: Cara | Thursday, July 28, 2005 at 06:05
Congratulations to both of you! You look so happy!
Posted by: Bridget | Thursday, July 28, 2005 at 06:07
Rachael! I've only emailed you a couple times, but it's so wonderful to hear of someone finding such happiness in life. I hope more people will come to feel as I do about gay marriage and rights... I'm just thankful people are able to care deeply for another person, and who cares about the gender. :|
It's so horribly heartbreaking about those boys in Iran. The only good that can come of it is to make people realize just how ABSURD all this hate is. AND that it's not going away any time soon...
Posted by: Bronwyn | Thursday, July 28, 2005 at 06:11
Yay for Banjo-Girl and The Knitter!!!! Much love and happiness to you both.
W. :)
Posted by: Wendy | Thursday, July 28, 2005 at 06:12
Congrats to you and Lala, Rachael! May you have much happiness and joy as you plan your lives together. There's nothing more wonderful in the world than finding the person you're meant to share the world with.
Posted by: Theresa | Thursday, July 28, 2005 at 06:14