Well, That Was DisgustingMay 4, 2006

There is, in American suburbia (which is I suppose where we live, albeit with occasional gunfire mixed with the firecrackers), a marriage legend that all subscribe to: The little housewife, making the fancy dish for her man. And then, tragedy: the flan flops, the roast wrecks, the fish flounders. There are tearful apologies, but then he chucks the little woman under the chin and tells her he loves her for SO many other things. Years later, in the glow of candlelight and a perfect souffle they laugh about those years and burnt casseroles gone by, while the grandkids chuckle underfoot.

Yeah. Okay.

I had high hopes. Spanish Chicken and Rice Casserole (recipe here). I was going to impress Lala when she got home from work (I had also worked a 12 hour shift, but that was behind the point. (That was a typo: I meant beside, but I think I really like behind instead)). I would whip out this little taste treat, and she'd fall at my knees.

'Course, Lala doesn't like chicken. So I bought ground turkey, because that's all my market had. And she doesn't like peas, so I bought green beans. (She's really not that picky -- those things are all I really have to avoid -- pity they were BOTH in my Recipe for Romance.)

Then I couldn't find quick-cooking brown rice (WTF?), so I bought short brown rice. Short equals quick, right?

And then I FORGOT the big ole 14 ounce can of stewed tomatoes, so I substituted tomato sauce.

Cooked it all up, for about 50 minutes, and know what? The RICE didn't COOK. So we had a fine meal, nice and tasty, or it would have been, had it not been filled with CRUNCHY RICE.

Thankfully, I made a nice caprese (tomatoes, basil, olives, fresh mozarella, drizzled with olive oil and salt), which Lala LOVED because she'd never actually been exposed to real, fresh mozarella (wait till it's buffalo!), so that was all right.

There's ice cream for dessert, so I suppose the little woman made out all right in this chapter, but yes, I know I'll be laughed at for this for years. It's a curse to be married to a good cook, I tell ya. Hey, it's been a month already, can you believe that?

Pick that rice up, baby, you're gonna need it later....

Comments

[Rossana]

Happy Monthiversary, Rachael and Lala! The dinner was very thoughtful. And a little bit of crunch never hurt nobody (don't you just hate double negatives?). Have a wonderful weekend!

[Cher]

Heh. I'm laughing right along with you - I've been with (and cooking for) the boy for 3+ years now and we still laugh about the *one* meal that wasn't exactly ... edible.
(Sighs, wipes tear from eye)
Good times, good times.

[alison]

Good lord, it's already been a month?

I'm so glad that Bill's the Little Woman in the kitchen. :)

[Jenny]

My hubbie does the cooking, and his first meal was so bad we dubbed it "space food." While we ate it, we pretended it would float weightlessly by on a fork, and we kept saying things like:

"Beep. (static noise). Houston. These green beans are really tasty. Over."

[j.]

Hey, I just learned about that short grain brown rice not being equivalent to quick-cooking last week. Crunchy blend of brown rice with white basmati, yum.

[maryse]

i was with you until i read that you replaced the rice. bad bad bad.

happy monthversary

[Lee Ann]

Oh god. Brown does not equal quick. Quick is with brown removed. I don't think I want to know what they do to brown rice to make it "quick brown rice..."

That said, I know this from a particularly crunchy experience myself, in which my dining partner said, "Is this what they mean by brown rice being 'earthy-crunchy'? cause if it is, I ain't buyin'..."

The caprese sounds lovely :-)

[Steph]

I'm trying not to laugh, but it is funny.

And very sweet. Happy One Month anniversary.

[brenda in toronto]

umm, what does it mean if ALL the meals i cook are like this? heh.

[Carole]

Sorry it didn't come out the way you hoped! A little advice? The first time you make a recipe it's best to follow it exactly. Then the next time it's okay to make some adjustments. ;-)

[Lala]

I want to Beep. have dinner at Jenny's house. Over.

[megan]

! Happy monthiversary ! I'm sorry to hear about your dinner with the crunchy rice....I too tried to be a 1950s housewife recently (last weekend!) and I have to say, it can be quite dangerous. I injured myself not once, but twice. The dinner was actually quite good, but my thumb on one hand and whole other hand would beg to differ!

[Terri]

lol! Just when I thought I had seen EVERY episode of "I Love Lucy."

Tip for future culinary adventures: Along the lines of the brown rice not cooking up in the dish (snicker, you naive young thing), they are also LYING when they say "with this recipe, there is no need to boil the lasagne noodles in advance." A complete crock!

[Imbrium]

Tee hee. The Boyfriend is the cook in my relationship, and we've had a few...um...culinary adventures...too. And then there was the time we set the Crispex-chocolate-peanut butter concoction on fire....

Good times.

[Christine]

Bwah! Love it!
We've ALL had our horribly memorable food experiences, even those of us who (occasionally) cook for a living.

I even managed to set a wedding cake on fire once. LONG story!
I have to agree with Terri and her comment about the lasagna noodles, that's GOOD advice, been there too!

I have a collection of vile 1950s recipe cards. The pictures are awful, and the recipes sound totally unappetizing and inedible. I should dig them out and start posting them on my blog and we can all have a laugh. (What NOT to cook!)

And hey, even if the food comes out sucky, a really cute apron can make up for a lot of faults! ;)

[Chelle]

Happy one month!!

Geez, Dh and I have been together for almost 19 years now...and I still get razzed about "tandoori meatloaf" from time to time. Some things never change!

Welcome to the club!

[Yin Zhen]

Congratulations on your first month! And I neglected to comment on all your wedding pictures so I will now. You and Lala look so beautiful! I am so happy for you! =)

[Emy]

Let me tell you the beautiful thing I discovered recently in Trader Joe's - precooked, frozen, brown rice in a bag. It comes in a box with three bags in it, you pull one out, put it in the microwave for 3 minutes, and YOU HAVE BROWN RICE. IN THREE MINUTES. The mind boggles.

[Amy]

The worst meal I ever made was for my parents years ago. Pasta a'la Vomit. It was supposed to be a pasta with tomato/cream sauce but seriously, it tasted JUST like vomit. They survived, but I still hail as the 'daughter who cannot cook'. (I CAN, I really can! Sometimes..)

Admirable you tried though Rachael and I am sure Lala realizes that :) Let her do the amazing cooking and YOU do the take out! ;)

[gaile]

Heh, you'll be laughing about this sooner than you think. And besides, you should be proud of yourself for being willing to make some substitutions and take a chance. Now you know more about brown rice than you did before - so all is not lost. It's a learning curve, baby. And I'm sure Lala appreciated the attempt - the next one will be even better.

[Stephanie]

You know...we have a lot in common.

[grace]

So how childish is it to visit just to stare at the visitor counter on the side bar? And pretend that it is sort of a little 'sports score'? And giggle when the 'score' is Canada: 3 and Turkey: 1?

Obviously not enough for me to do up here on a cold, grey day in the north country. . .

[J Strizzy]

"The fish flounders." You crack me up.

[Mandy]

Happy one month wedding anniversary (late)!! We celebrate every month, though today makes it 85 months...
Isn't it surreal to find yourself in one of those weird, cliche tableaux? It freaks me out. It's nice to get there on your own terms, though. :)

[Monica]

Cooking to impress is tough, but I would recommend looking up a few Rachel Ray recipes. They have done the trick for us, but you should follow the directions to the tee the first time. Check out on Food Network her peasant pasta and her meatball pizza recipes. They are quick and easy and yummy.