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And a little moreSeptember 5, 2008

Driving home tonight after getting Lala her super-cheap bass (yay, bass!) off Craigslist in San Jose, we passed a truck with a bumper sticker on it that said, "Marriage = one man, one woman."

I don't normally react to bumper stickers since I live in the Bay Area, and you never know who's carrying, but I stuck my tongue out at him. He looked rather startled.

I mean, really. How is that okay?

It's like this:

1. We believe (don't we?) in equal rights for men and women.
2. If a man can marry a woman, then saying a woman can't marry a woman means women don't have the same rights as men do. It's the same reasoning that interracial marriage is allowed (gasp!). If a white man can marry a white woman, with equal rights a black man can marry a white woman, too.
3. It's that easy, and that's the bottom line. This line of simple reasoning is why the California Supreme Court is allowing Lala and I to get married today.

His bumper sticker was hateful. I understand that he has the freedom of speech, natch, and I don't argue that I want it taken off his bumper. He's got every right. But what an ass. He probably doesn't even get that he's being so hateful, so queer-bashing. "I just think marriage should be between a man and a woman. What's wrong with that? California has domestic partnerships, and that's pretty good. I know some gay people. I support them having domestic partnerships. Let them have that. Just not marriage." I've actually heard people say this, thinking this is an argument. They can't back it up any more than to say that it's the way things have always been, and it's what their pastor says. Not good enough, my erstwhile friend.

Marriage equals love. I know plenty of straight people who are dying to get out of the situation I've been trying to get into for years. I'm honored to be entering into this with my best friend, my sexy Lala, and if they take this away from us in the vote in November, we'll have to get all married again when we get it legalized again. And really, how long is my dress going to be in fashion? Pictures to follow. Thanks for loving us, and for fighting the good fight with your vote.  MWAH!


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It all only comes down to two people loving each other .. That's all that's important.

Have a GREAT day! So many many congratulations to the two of you. I wish you the best on this special day and will be looking for pictures :D

I see that sticker once in a while and always feel disgusted by it. Hope your third (!!) wedding to your awesome wife is lovelier than the other two put together!

Much love and happiness to you both!

My mother comes up with the domestic partnerships thing when I talk to her about it. She starts talking about marriage being about having children and then I remind her that when she married my stepdad that they were past childbearing age so maybe they shouldn't have been allowed to get married either.

If people want to protect the institution of marriage they should start campaigning for mandatory couples counselling before marriage. They should introduce a minimum waiting period and get rid of Vegas drive thru style weddings. They should ban Britney Spears from ever getting married again. But they should let two people who love each other very much get married no matter what the gender combination.

I don't even have anything to add -- just want to congratulate you two (again!) and let you know that there are no such bumper stickers on my car.

I WILL add that my son, a high school senior, says that every kid in his school thinks the whole "gay marriage" debate is stupid and that anybody who wants to should be allowed to marry. He may be a little optimistic that all 2500 students feel that way, but it does seem like this generation -- HIS generation -- will put this whole debate behind us.

I hope and pray!


You are so right. My husband is Mexican-American and I always tell my kids that not allowing same-sex marriage would be the same as if I couldn't marry Daddy. They get it. I'm also thankful that we live in Massachusetts! Mazal tov on your California marriage!

Legal repeal aside, I've always wanted a second crack at the wedding dress :-)

Congrats, congrats, congrats!!!! I hope your wedding today is fabulous and fun.
(And that CA comes to its senses and votes this in finally, as many of my friends are getting tired of collecting marriage licenses only to have them annulled. Again.)

Many congratulations to the both of you (again!).

Here's to happiness. Those who are able to show and declare their love for one another are happier people, IMO, and happy people make better citizens (and raise better children, and bake better cookies, and nurture more well-behaved pets, and... I could go on. To quote Arlo, "I'm not proud. Or tired.")

OK, I'm going to start sticking my tongue out at people, too. It's better than the middle finger, or driving my vehicle into them.
I've gotten behind a lot of pro-life vehicles that have declared their politics all over their rear window, and I just want to run them off the road. I haven't seen the marriage one, but I'm sure it's in town somewhere. :eye roll:
Have a fantastic celebration!

Actually, I think your response was a good one, in terms of not finding out if he was armed. Giving him the finger, for example, is more aggressive, but sticking out the tongue? Yeah ... wish I could have seen his face. Honestly, what is up with some people?

I wish I had another occasion to wear my wedding dress! Have fun today, and much love to you both.

I also wish I still lived in CA so I could go vote against the amendment in November...

Every argument I've heard against gay marriage falls apart just after "why NOT?" I'm waiting for the day when we look back on this time as laughably unenlightened.

Happy third wedding, Rachael and Lala!

Have a wonderful (again) wedding day! Much love to you and Lala and here's hoping the rest of the country figures it out.

I truly don't get how people who claim allowing lesbian and homosexual marriages are 'destroying the institution of marriage' - or whatever. I'm pretty convinced we heterosexuals are doing a very fine job of destroying it ourselves - including me. I'm not in my first - or second marriage. How hypocritical are we?

I hope you and Lala have an absolutely lovely, lovely day. I'm thinking of you!!!

Love and hugs to you both - and all those dogs and cats too. xoxo

I'm so happy for both of you! Congrats!

I can't believe people are so hateful, even seeing it every day. Just because some people feel differently about something than you do doesn't give you the right to bash them.

I'm so glad that you guys have this chance to be legal! Yay for you!!

I'm in Canada, where same-sex marriage has been legal for a while now. You know what? After all the griping and arguing and claims of future catastrophe, the sky hasn't fallen after all. In fact, everything is exactly the same except a few more people who love each other can get married.

It's completely a non-issue now. Plus, opposing same-sex marriage is starting to become socially unacceptable and the domain of people who are seen as too stupid to know better. I'm sure that this is the future in the US, too -- you've just hit a bit of a Republican speed bump.

Very well said! I remember thinking "its about time" when I heard the Supreme Court ruling and I can't believe we have to vote on it in Nov.

And Congrats!

Congratulations to you both!

I truly do not understand why there are people against those that love each other getting married. I can see when others have opions on the death penalty or abortion or other issues. But marriage? I've never heard WHY some are against it. Who cares if my gay neighbors get married? How in the world does that effect anyone else but them? How does that make any difference in my hetero marriage?

Sometimes, I just don't understand people at all. I think having more love in this screwed up world is a wonderful thing.

Don't let an idiot affect your day or your happiness. Congratulations! In gay friendly Massachusetts, people have settled down and the initial meanies have realized that their marriage and values are not really threatened after all! Yay!

Congratulations to you and Lala. There's really no argument against gay marriage that can hold even a thimbleful of water. It's a civil rights issue, plain and simple!

From a straight, happily married woman- wishing the two of you much happiness together. :)

Congratulations on your wedding!!! Your argument makes perfect sense. And you can bet your ass that my husband and I will both be voting to to keep it legal in November! =)

As far as I'm concerned, love is love. It shouldn't matter what the gender of the two people is; if they're committed to each other, that's the end of the story. Some of the most committed couples I know (and people who have been together the longest) are gay and lesbian couples. The same holds true for raising children. So what if you can't or don't choose to have them biologically? Children all over the world need love and devoted parents. If they find a couple who truly wants them, they are indeed fortunate little ones.

I wish you both the very best and hope that your wedding is everything you hope it will be. Domestic partnership is a wonderful thing, but I've often wondered why marriage was not an option. Now that it is, I think it's about time. Marriage is different; I believe it's a deeper, more devoted commitment. That little piece of paper speaks volumes. You should have every right to have it - as much right as a couple of different genders.

Having that law passed truly made me proud to be a native Californian. Congratulations!

And there's this: http://www.joelderfner.com/blog/2008/09/post_325.html

My very best to both of your. Have the most beautiful day! I wish I still had the right to vote in California (but Arizona OBVIOUSLY needs my help a bit more)!

I completely agree with you. And for those that claim that marriage is a religious ceremony, I think we should stop issuing marriage licenses and just issue civil union licenses to everybody. If it's the work marriage that screws it all up, just get that word out of the civil/governmental side of things.

Anyways, enjoy your day and your marriage (I hope it doesn't get cancelled in November!)

Y'all rock! I'm so happy for you and Lala. More pictures, right???

I've tried to have the same discussion with people and it all seems to boil down to what I like to call "the ooky factor". No rational reason other than it ooks them out to think that we can get married like they can.

I also find it interesting how many of those same people claim we're so promiscuous...interesting they think we should be less promiscuous while denying us the right to be married...hypocritical much???

Much happiness to you both on this great day. Getting married is a milestone that should be available to all. Married, really and truly and legaly married.

Enjoy the beautiful weather and the beautiful day.

Congratulations! I have so happy for the two of you (again).

Oh a more political note, I heard a great radio program last weekend about the laws behind marriage. The show was called Legally Bound and as soon as I figure out where they hide the news podcast I'll forward it!


First of all I want to say that I have never felt that my straight marriage and family are threatened in any way by your marriage to Lala. :-)

We have survived close encounters with several gay couples married or co-habitating, gone camping together, I even slept IN THE SAME ROOM at a school retreat without my husband there and managed to maintain my fidelity and I'm still completely straight. Perhaps I could testify before Congress...

I wish, I hope, I believe it will become common in this country for gay marriage to be accepted and legal.
It's just being fair.

Happy 3rd Wedding Day! Here's hoping the 3rd time is the charm and the vote in November keeps it legal.

If I have the right to marry the person I love, why shouldn't you?

And I have a lot of fun telling people past their childbearing years that if marriage is for having kids, they need to get theirs annulled now...

I assume you've seen this already, but just in case you haven't--it's pretty funny.


Congratulations! (And thank goodness our state has finally figured out that separate-but-almost-equal just doesn't cut it!)

well pooh on them. honestly. people can be so frigging sanctimonious, so self-righteous, so damn smug.

i for one will be glad when the whole issue of gay/straight/bi/trans whatever becomes the non-issue it truly is, and that goes for all people being granted the same damn rights.

so you and lala have a lovely wedding. mwah!

You are right dear heart. It is about love. I just have never understood why people focused on the body bits to define marriage. People like Donald Trump and Mick Jagger who "cheat" the marriage arrangement for the sake of money are far more damaging to the institution than someone who has girl bits being with another person who has girl bits.

These have to be people who have never, really, truly loved if that is how they define marriage. Kind of sad.

Congrats you guys! I'm excited for you that you are actually getting legally married in your home state!!! TMK

Seen that bumper sticker myself-ugh. Your best rebuttal is your wonderful celebration today-relish it!

I'm really glad I never saw that bumper sticker

But to give you a giggle --- I guess you were talking about bass the instrument not bass the fish huh? Living on an island guess which one I thought at first and couldn't figure out why you were getting fish off Craigslist.

Oh and Congratulations on the wedding - which anniversary are you going to celebrate - or will you go with my idea of each and every one of them ;)

Hee Hee! on sticking your tongue out - and getting a startled response. He may have spent a long time trying to figure out why. Or maybe not.

Congratulations again!

Hear hear! I always feel like I'm going insane when I hear people talk about how gay marriage with ruin the sanctity of straight marriage (usually from fat, stupid white men who have at least one divorce/affair in their past) and how it shouldn't be "allowed". How are you and Lala and your love for each other hurting anyone? Makes me so furious!

Congratulations on the marriage! Can't wait to see pics!

I believe that physical reality is the illusion and that it is our genderless souls that connect (fall in love). Therefore, I have difficulty with the idea that marriage between any configuration of couples is wrong. You love whom you love. End of story.

Many blessings to you and Lala! Congratulations!

Congratulations and blessings on your marriage! May it (and its legality) last forever. I'm very happy for you.

Been thinking of you two ladies all day long. Standing behind you 1000%. Legally married in California? Awesome. Mazel Tov!

I would have done more than stuck out my tongue.

I hate haters.

Well said, my dear.

And Congrats, yet again!

Congratulations and have a wonderful day!

As my 10-year-old daughter says, "Love is love. If two people love each other, why shouldn't they get married?" I'm happy that your love is, at least for now, able to be fully recognized at home, and I'm thinking good thoughts for November!

Mmmm, three wedding parties, & three wedding nights, now that part would be fun! Plus you must be getting this down by now, less nerves; you can just enjoy it! : )

Wouldn't it be great if your wedding dress lasted long enough to be married in all 50 states?


Congratulations, dear hearts!

1) Love you guys; you rock.

2) If marriage = 1 man & 1 woman, let's get the tax code out of it, k? (I'm probably going to end up in a huge shouting match with one or more of my co-workers on that subject some day...)

I've spent more than a few minutes wondering if I'm a lesbian, but keep coming up with "no". Sometimes I wish I could look at my inner magic 8 ball and see a "yes, definitely" because I read of the love you have for your woman. keep stickin' your tongue out at the idoits and hug your wife! love K

Thank you for putting into words why we will not be getting a 'civil partnership' over here any time soon. No, it doesn't matter how often people call it engaged, or a wedding, or whatever, it is not a marriage. Very clearly in law it is not the same thing at all.

Glad you can marry in your home state. Enjoy!

YEAH! Marry on, dude.

I wish you my best...
I'm French and marriage between two same sex persons not yet allowed but I used to live in San Francisco where I got married and where my daughter Zelda was born 7 years ago ...
Unluckily I'm alone now with Zelda...
Love is not a matter of color, religion, law or whatever some people say, it is just and only a matter of love...
All my love to you and Lala,
Toutes mes félicitations et mon amitié, mon amour depuis la France !

Marriage = Two people that love each other.

That's it. That's all. The rest is all bureaucratic bs. Glad you had a great day anyway!

Wishing you both a lifetime of joy and love. Congratulations!

I live in the Pacific Northwest, far enough from the heart of the city to where those type of offensive bumperstickers are quite common. They always piss me off. I'm so fed up with those people who are always telling us who we can and cannot marry, and what we can and cannot do with our bodies. I'll do what I can to shut them up with my vote, and probably stick my tongue out at 'em too! :P

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